in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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