Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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