We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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