Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Small penises have feelings too.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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