maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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