We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
