he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
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I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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