Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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