Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
