im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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