At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
