i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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