What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Michael Bay diarrhea
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
