Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
