Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I need moral support for this bender
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize