I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
