I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
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End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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