Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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