Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
