Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
