ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
