watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
True strength comes from lack of pants
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
