dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
