Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
