There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
