Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
