yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
