Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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