Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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