you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
