My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I forget how to act sober
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
