I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
