All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
