in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
