Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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