Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
