I hate all girls vehemently.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
