we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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