He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
