If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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