so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
