Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
