Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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