I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
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playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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