If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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