dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.