obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.