I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
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there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
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Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."