Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
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If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
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Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.