ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
