So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
