How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
