apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
