thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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