Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
