i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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