That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize