I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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