I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
