Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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