Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
