whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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