You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
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you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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