Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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