Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
