At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Come on in and take your pants off
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