Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
